"Your special offer for UFC 246..."

It's a big fight day, but I'm just not feeling it.

Hi folks. It’s UFC 246 day! And, well, I guess you probably expected me to write something about this week, given how momentous it is when held up to almost every other UFC event during the calendar year.

Truth is, I just haven’t been able to get up for this one. You know what I mean?

This is the kind of main event I used to get alllll rocked up for. My long-time readers will confirm that for you. I’ve been doing Twitter a long time, and I’m pretty good at it. But my first real thing on Twitter was #NoPants. I saved #nopants for the biggest and best fights, the ones that really got me looking forward to Saturday night.

I can’t remember the last time I used that hashtag. Maybe it’s the distance between me and the sport. Maybe it’s because I, like the dumb son of a bitch I am, wrote stories claiming it would never happen. Or maybe it’s that the UFC is selling me this weird retro version of Conor McGregor—like he was before he became an absolute asshole—and all I can think about is the sexual assault investigations happening half a planet away in Dublin.

So, no. I wasn’t really jazzed up for tonight.

But THEN, an email! From ESPN to me, just when I needed it the most!

I fucking LOVE special offers. Let’s see what this special offer is…

I guess the deal is…$5 more than you already pay every month? The best part is that they drew attention to the price with bold text, I guess to see who’s actually paying attention.